Photographed by Devon Kidd
“I've had to learn to stand up for myself, for what I believe is truly right. I believe in my own voice and my art, that I'm doing what is right. Nobody can tell me what is right or not accept me if I truly believe in myself.” - Cyn-Ean
Cyn-Ean: Model, Creative Director, Filmmaker
Photographed by Samuel Carrillo
Adi and Rachel had the opportunity to speak to Chicago filmmaker and model Cyn-Ean! Heralding from Minnesota, Cyn-Ean has been working in the field for about three years and hopes to encourage more representation in her industry.
How did you first find interest in filmmaking? Was your intrigue with modeling connected to that of film, or were they two separate parts of your life that you now find yourself partaking in simultaneously?
Photographed by Jimmie Buckner
“Yes. I've been wanting to be a filmmaker since I was eight years old. I kind of started out because my dad’s mother would take him to the movies every single weekend. They lived in a third world country and they didn't have much, but that was one thing they consistently did. After she passed away, my dad told himself, “I'm gonna carry on this tradition.” So when I was younger, my dad made sure that we had to watch a family movie every single weekend. So I grew up with a love of movies. And from that, I found that it was the art form that rang the most true for me, in a way where I can represent different stories. I guess that ties in with modeling, because I always found that the movies that resonated with me the most, and with my family, the most were the movies that represented us, whether it be through race or through our family dynamic. So representation was incredibly important to me, because it seemed so rare when I was growing up. Modeling almost seemed more unachievable than filmmaking. It's such a one-faced kind of industry where only a certain type of person can become successful. But growing up, I always wanted to see that representation. And whenever I did, on the very rare occasion, it would bring this joy in my heart that I felt like I couldn't find anywhere else.”
How has being a 4’11, queer, Chinese model impacted your work (of all kinds)? What challenges/successes has it brought? Do you try to represent these traits in your projects? For example, your “Sofia I'm Sorry” music video has a queer storyline.
Photographed by Jared Maldo
“I kind of knew going into modeling that there were definitely going to be some challenges. You see in the media already that the modeling industry is portrayed as a super toxic, over sexualized kind of thing. And so I kind of expected it, but at the same time, actually experiencing it is like an entirely different type of thing. What I found was, nowadays, if you look a certain way, especially in the modeling industry, you're gonna be fetishized for it in some sort of way, or exploited for it in some sort of way. So, to me, I always want to stick to authenticity when it comes to that, in order to accurately portray myself and what I'm trying to represent, which is a queer woman, an Asian woman, [a] petite woman. So don't lean into the sort of things that they people might want you to lean into, like, oh, “lean into the fact that you're Asian, or small, or have blue hair,” you know, and more so just choose how I want to portray myself. Just stick to what I feel is genuinely me. And I guess the same thing is for filmmaking, I want to try to portray these stories as authentically as possible. Something I stick to is, anytime there is a chance for diversity or representation, I want to take that opportunity, just because, why wouldn't I? I want people to feel that these works are trying to tell a story that needs to be told. Not a story that's been told time and again. Representation and diversity has just been sort of the most important things to me, especially because not just me, but our parents' generation and our future generation, that is going to be the thing that I think will be the most impactful for them.”
Both your photography and filmmaking project a strong voice and visual style. Can you speak more on how you found that style? You've done a lot of bold and colorful music videos and editorial shoots.
Photographed by Brian Gross
“I think that my style stems from wanting to stand out and be different. I grew up in a very suburban, majority white town in Minnesota. And growing up there as maybe one of the only Asian person in my school. I kind of leaned into that. I was like an emo kid when I was younger, dyed my hair blue. Standing out has always been a big thing to me, so when I am doing these video projects, or when I am modeling, I look at my peers who are also doing the same thing and I ask myself, how can I differentiate myself from them? How can I stand out and do something different, but do something that is entirely me. With my filmmaking, I've always always just been attracted to like the films that were a bit odd, like a bit quirkily directed. Those were the ones that really just grabbed my attention. Especially when it comes to lighting, camera movement, that kind of thing. I don't want to just sit there and watch a scene go by just cut by cut by cut. I want to see something happen, action happening, even if nothing is truly happening in the scene.”
I'm sure there have been moments where you felt disillusioned. Do you have any words for other women of color, any other people carrying intersectional identities on how to get through that disillusion?
“I'd say that getting into both industries, you expect it because you hear that women of color, women in general, are not treated as seriously. Especially when you are in a more leadership role in the filmmaking industry, like directing, or DPS, where you're kind of like the manager of everybody else. That kind of treatment, I didn't expect it. So early on in my career, it kind of hit me like a train in a way to experience being taken advantage of for certain things or being disrespected. So early on. It weighs down on you. I think that through those experiences, it made me a stronger person, it taught me a lot of lessons on how to go about things, how to handle things, how to stand up for yourself. I went into this with the expectation that I would be treated lower. So when it happened to me, I allowed it because this is what I expected. So basically, I let myself be stepped all over on. And throughout these experiences, I've had to learn to stand up for myself, for what I believe is truly right, I believe in my own voice and my art that I'm doing what is right, and that nobody can tell me what is right or not accept me if I truly believe in myself. So I think just the advice I would give is not let that be the expectation anymore, that as a woman of color, as a queer woman, as a person of color, or just a woman. We shouldn't have to expect this treatment anymore, we should expect to be respected and to be listened to.”
Photographed by Kenn Cook
On the flip side, are there any moments where you felt professional validation that stand out to you?
Recently, I came out with a music video called “Sofia I'm Sorry,” which has reached 10k views. I think that validation was more me validating myself. I heard somewhere at the very beginning when I started pursuing filmmaking, that there's this gap between what you want the result of the film to be in your head, versus how it turns out. As you keep doing it, that gap slowly gets smaller until something that you imagine in your head will eventually turn out exactly like the end product. With the Sofia video, I think it turned out exactly like how I pictured it in my head. I felt for the very first time that that gap was finally closed. So that's more internal validation. But for modeling, there have been many moments where I've gotten external validation that I've “made it,” or at least made it to where I want to be at. And a lot of that has come from people I've admired, photographers I've admired, who I never thought in a million years would ever want to work with me. And yet, they told me, you are one of the best models I've ever worked with, you're worth it to shoot with.
Still from “Sofia I’m Sorry” music video
As a model, what is your relationship with photographers like? What do you each bring to the table? How do those conversations go? How do those experiences go?
There's a certain relationship that comes with being a model instead of a client, if that makes sense. Photographers will usually do freelance work with clients who pay them for photoshoots. But when you're a model who works with a photographer, you're not paying them, they don't get anything out of the experience except working with you and the image that you end up creating. So it's really, it has to be a collaborative process of: this is going to be worth your time and this is going to be worth my time. If there's no makeup artist, I’m getting the makeup done. If there's no stylist, I'm styling it, I'm getting the clothes, I'm traveling there, I'm investing my time, my physical energy with posing, and they're investing hours of editing, they're shooting with their equipment, their studio probably. It almost feels that you have to prove that I'm worth your time. I'm worth all your energy, all your money that you could be making, but instead you're shooting with me, because I'm that worth it. So in the beginning, it was very much me being a people pleaser and essentially just being the model mannequin. But as I've kind of gained respect in this industry, especially in Chicago throughout the years, I've kind of taken more of a model and creative director approach, where I'm also helping to come up with these photoshoot concepts. I'm saying, “Hey, what if we do this?” Bringing something to the table with these concepts that photographers wouldn't have been able to think of, or wouldn’t have been able to execute without me and my ideas. And because of that, I feel like it's only furthered my bond and relationship with these photographers. We're collaborators and creators who bounce off of each other. And I feel like that's a lot more fulfilling.
Photographed by Craig Kennerson
Has filmmaking given you new skills or confidence to be more initiative with leading photoshoots? Has it taught you aspects about modeling that you maybe wouldn’t have known otherwise?
Photographed by John Ng
For sure. I feel like I've become a better model because I understand more what photographers have to go through. I also feel like it's helped me pose, helped me essentially all around because photography and filmmaking is so close. I ask the photographer when we're shooting, “What lens are you shooting with?” They'll tell me, “I'm shooting with a 20 millimeter.” Then I know it's a wide lens. So I know exactly how to pose. You reach out, you make yourself look big because the image is distorted, kind of wider, that kind of thing. As well as lighting. I now know this is my key light, this is my back, I know how to pose to make myself look better based on that. Understanding those basics for both photography and filmmaking have made me a better model. I have worked on sets before, and I work at a photo and film studio. I understand the tribulations that photographers have to go through like setting up a backdrop, cleaning a sidewall, setting up C stands, lighting equipment. To the point where nowadays, I sort of offer my help to photographers, and try to let them know how much I appreciate them.
Having dropped out of Columbia, what do you think have been the negatives and positives from throwing yourself out into the field rather than being in the classroom? What do you hope that all the current students you work with learn from you?
Oh, amazing question. I felt like my time at Columbia was very much of nothing sandwich. I was only there my freshman year, I made my first short film, but I wasn't very proud of it. I felt like I didn't really get much out of the experience. When I wanted to be on sets sometimes I would be turned down because I didn't have enough experience, because I was just starting out. How do I get experience if I have no experience? And then I left because I had realized that I didn't need a degree to necessarily be successful. The thing that Columbia does provide is the connections and the resources, but it doesn't provide a job. It's not a guarantee [that] just because you have a degree they'll get a job. During that time, I was modeling a lot. I would talk to filmmakers that I would meet through modeling and ask them, did you get a degree? Do you recommend it, and they all told me, “You should drop out. My friends went to film school yet I'm making more than them as a filmmaker right now, even though I didn't go.” So with that, I dropped out. I used what I was going to use towards college, to start getting resources to film these projects. And because I had more time, after dropping out of school, I got a job at a film and photo studio based in Chicago. Through that, I gained quite a bit of experience from my boss, who is a full-time cinematographer. When I wanted to make my projects, the very first people I wanted to reach out to were Columbia students like me, who were in their first year, who were looking for experience, but necessarily might not have gotten it. I wanted to reach out and give them higher level positions that they might not have been able to get with no experience. And once they get those, that experience with the higher level positions, they'll be able to do bigger and better things. I want to be the gateway to that, as well as a resource to connect with others who are also in their same positions. Because once again, I felt like in my time at Columbia, I didn't really make many fruitful relationships or connections that I felt were sustainable. So through my sets, I want people to be able to do that.
Photographed by Jimmie Buckner
Any closing thoughts? Upcoming projects you’d like to tell us about?
Last year I directed a short film written by the talented Annie Kleven, called “Once I Took Your Medication.” It is currently in post-production and the release date is to be announced, but it will be coming out soon. For sure. And I'm very excited about that. It's a film that's very near and dear to my heart, and very personal. Usually, I've only done music videos. This is the first big production project that is personal to me and tells my story, rather than other people's. With music videos, my goal is to tell the story of the artists but this is my personal project that Annie and I worked on together. I hope you all check it out when it comes out. Another project I have coming up is a short film that we are shooting around March. It is a project that I started during a time where I felt a bit hopeless about this industry, and lost in terms of knowing how to navigate the people and the industry in general. So that one comes from a lot of perseverance. Title is to be announced soon, but you can look out for that as well. We're very excited about it, and it's gonna be my biggest production yet.